Posted in grief, widow

More

Today is October 4.  Today is the day he should be celebrating his 47th birthday. But Pat didn’t get to reach this milestone.  He never got to have his mid-life crisis.  He never got to experience the joys of aging with gray hair and wrinkles.  He never got to do so much.  Time ran out on him and he didn’t get to do any more than 44.  When I met Pat he was a young, care free, concert going, party loving man.  He worked hard so he could party hard.  He loved his friends, he loved his music, he loved life.  He wanted to go out and take on the world.  He had dreams of turning his love of music into his life career.  And then he met me.  I always felt like I took that from him…the dreams of the night life.  It seemed like he always wanted more than the family life.  But he said no.  He said when he met me his idea of more changed.   After he met me, more meant a family, and love, and growth and a future.  It no longer meant more nights out and parties to attend.  And so more he got.   He married me and he got more and more love every day.  And then the love overflowed when we added more to the Mahoney crew…First Seamus, then Quinn and finally Aidan.  With every more he encountered, he was happier, more grounded, more complete.

But then the day came when he got sick and all he wanted was more time.  26 more years was what he prayed for.  For some reason he thought living to the age of 70 would be enough for him and so he tried to compromise with God for those years.  As it turned out, 70 wasn’t his number.  But he did get more time.  He got six months to live where he could say more and love more.  He said all he needed to say and he had peace with his life and his death.   This man gave me more love than I could ever imagine.  He brought me more joy and more laughter and more meaning than one person deserves.

I still wish I had more.

More.

We always want more.

What am I going to do with my more?  I have so much more to give and do and experience.  I want to honor Pat by living a life that I am proud of.  Not worrying about what makes sense to others, but living the way I truly want to live.  This is what I want to do with the more I have been given.  I am not sure how much more I have, so I want to give it my all.  So instead of wanting more materialistic things, I want more living, loving, and laughter.  Because on this day of remembrance of the birth of an amazing man, friend, brother, son, husband and father…I want to celebrate the gift of life I have been given and the chance I have to make more of every moment.

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Happy Birthday Pat Mahoney!

4 thoughts on “More

  1. Such a beautiful tribute. I am sure he is very proud of you and is smiling down at you. Only those of us who have lost our partner, husband, and what I call “the better half can understand and appreciate your words. I have an anniversary this weekend , so I wanted MORE also but nearly 39years is what I had. And so grateful to have had that. Memories are forever, and I cherish them. Thank you again for letting me remember about MORE.

  2. My heart aches with your words. He seemed to be the almost perfect match for you. I hope you have much More in your life! You deserve it.

  3. Your MORE is yours to make sense to, not others! Find your MORE for you Denise! If you do anything for someone other then your boys or yourself, you have not truly found your MORE.

  4. Such beautiful words ❤️ For I lost my husband too it will be 5 years this Oct.30th he was called home at the age of 40 , he was so full of life and loved by all . I also live life for him I breathe for him ; I know that every day is a new challenge, most people don’t understand that . The season reminds me of my husband the fall leaves the hunting camo . I know he will always be around me and our family . Our 8 year old boy remembers his daddy so well , it is important for us to keep his daddy’s memory alive .
    Blessings to you mam ❤️
    Sonia Bell

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