From the moment Pat died, my life was changed completely. I have talked a lot about how I have changed from his death, and everything in my world has changed from his death, but what I find amazing is that even time has changed for me. This week marks the beginning of the new year from the stand point of every day time. 2016 rolls out and we all ring in 2017. We take new years eve to reflect on this past year and all that has happened and we look towards the coming year with hope and great expectations. We make new years resolutions and set new goals for ourselves. It’s like the stroke of midnight is a reset button for us. A time to see where we have been and make the changes we want to make in our lives.
I see it different.
After Pat died, my annual clock shifted to April 5. That is my mark of the new year. This date is when I reflect on where I have been in the past year and I look forward to the next year. It is the day that I see that I have survived another year without him. I have managed to keep on breathing another year without him. And with that, I look to the next year with hope for more healing and more peace.
I know the calendar shows a new year beginning on Sunday, but to me it is still the second year without Pat. I haven’t quite made it into my new year. My timeline is different now…just like so much of my life is different now.
So though I like to celebrate new years eve and watch the crystal ball drop in times square at midnight….I know in my heart that I am still trying to live this second year the best I can. Come April I will reflect on how far I have come without Pat by my side and I will look into the third year with hope and determination for a better life for myself and the boys.