I am feeling overwhelmed as a solo parent. I am not a single mom. I am a solo mom. There is a difference. I get that there are people who are having similar problems as a single parent, but being a widowed mother of three boys is a little different. There is no weekend dad to help. There is no one to tag out to. I am on my own with the boys. It is overwhelming. It is exhausting. There are days when I just want to throw in the towel. I am not cut out for this. I can’t keep up and I can’t do it anymore. Just when I get one on track and things are going smoothly, one of the others has a fire to be put out. The worst is when all three are having problems in three different areas of their lives. I am one person. I can only do so much. I am trying. I am giving them all of me, but sometimes it seems like there is not enough of me to go around. I am sure this is a common feeling among solo parents.
We are not only trying to raise kids on our own, but we also trying to heal the wounds of losing the other parent. We have to find the balance between discipline and understanding. We have to be the “good guy” and the “bad guy” at the same time. Not an easy task. What’s even better is the judgment from others on how we are doing as a parent. Outside people seem to know better how we should be parenting our kids and what needs to be done to do it “right”. But the truth is that none of us know what it is like for other people. We only see what we see from the outside perspective. No one sees what goes on before closed doors and what is truly happening or not happening. There should be no judgment. We are all doing all that we can to raise our kids.
But some days are tougher than others. This was true before Pat died as well, but now there is no rest. There is no way to escape it. No one to lean on.
Solo parenting is a constant tapping on your forehead. Solo parenting is a day in, day out battle. Solo parenting is the toughest job I have ever had.
But…I wouldn’t trade being their momma for the world. I love my boys. They have saved me from myself. They helped me out of the pit of despair. They are my moon and stars. Those days where I can’t take it anymore, I simply have to remember to breathe deeply and hit that inner reset button. This button isn’t like the Staples EASY button…I wish, but it can do so much when I remember it is there. It reminds me that this is just a moment in time. My boys are soon going to be grown and gone. All I can do is my best. They know I love them. They know I would do anything for them. They can always count on me, even on the worst days.
So even though being a solo parent can feel like the greatest weight in the world pressing down me, I am truly blessed to be their parent. I am blessed to have these amazing boys in my life and I know we will make it through and into a better day.