46

Happy birthday Pat.  Today you should be celebrating your 46th birthday with a delicious dinner, an apple pie and a jack and coke.  Instead I will remember.  I’m not sad today because you are not here, but rather I am feeling lucky that I had you for as long as I did.  I don’t want you birthday to be a time of feeling sorry for us or sorry for you that you didn’t have as long as you deserved…that is just a given.  This needs to be a day to remember the life you did live.  The life you so graciously shared with me.  I am blessed to have been a part of you.  All you gave me and all we shared is what I want to remember today.

Maybe I am a little sad.  Loneliness does that to you.  It is always with me in the back of my mind and in my heart, but days like today bring it to the surface and it aches a bit.I will let the sadness sit for a while, but I want to remember you as you were…full of life and you would want me to continue my life in the same way.  You were so worried about me and how I was going to get through all of this.

You were always thinking of me.

Today I think of you.

So another year that you didn’t get to live has come and gone, but I took you with me every step of the way.  You are always by my side and I hold on to that at times like these when your presence is missed so desperately.